I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
