i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
