Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
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