Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize