theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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