shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
