So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
