Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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