Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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