In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
