Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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