the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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