Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
