he told me I talked like a deaf person
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
