The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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