I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
