somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
