Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
