oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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