I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
