you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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