I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She even gives head with a lisp.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
