He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
