just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
