I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
