You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize