I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
