If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
