ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
