Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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