Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
