My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
