im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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