Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
