He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
