Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
