i just google imaged poop.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
