Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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