hotel room ftw
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
