Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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