if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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