I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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