Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
