Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
