please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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