All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
