considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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