I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
