if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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