we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
