I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
