Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
