I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Even my vagina gasped.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
