strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
