The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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