decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
