i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
