I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
