Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
