Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
