Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I have demons in me.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
