He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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