shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize