so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
