she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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