I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
actually, I'm a sock model
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
