they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
my poor anus
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
