Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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