Pregnant stripper...not hot.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
