if i died would you start the facebook group?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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