people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize