Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
