he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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