Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
