Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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