Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize