First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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