I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
