my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
