this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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