one two three fourrrrnication!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
