Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
