She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
