now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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