I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
