last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Congratulations! We have a period
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