I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Help. Why am I so naked?
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