STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
