if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize