The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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