Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
