I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize