he thought i was a dude.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
