i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
