as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
