Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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