the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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