I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm at about main and main street
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
