he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize