Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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