I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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