There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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