swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
