Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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