Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
