literally had 100 drinks last night.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
