i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
