There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
