i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
