I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
