This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize