guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Randomize
