and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
