You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
