when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
