His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is Oprah even human
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
