I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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