my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
