North Korea, Best Korea!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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