I wish you could order shots online.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
