i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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